hi, long time no post. i'm still trying to figure out if i want to be active on here or not. life is very busy at the moment so i never have time to just sit and reflect. instead, i just keep it all inside my head and it's driving me insane. anyways, on todays episode of catg1rl06 hates the world, i'm going to be talking about the future. yeah ew, yikes.
i genuinely feel like my life is a race against time, and unfortunately time never stops so i feel like i can never catch up. i have no clue if that makes any sense but it's how i've been feeling. for example, i enjoy what i'm studying (most of the time) but i don't see anything past university. not that i don't want to pursue what i'm studying, i do, but i've never really envisioned what the future would be like past school.
i don't know if its because younger me never saw myself living past like 18 but something has genuinely messed with my head. i count down every month, week, day, hour, minute and second. i'm always dreading something, everything. i can never be present in the moment. i'm always dreading the future or dwelling on the past. i'm always in my head and i can't escape.
it makes it difficult because i can never visualise the future in a positive light. it's always depicted to me in flashes of dread. whether its an assignment due in a week, or what i'm going to do with my life. in short, i feel stuck.
i feel bad for this blog also, because i fear it's just becoming me venting. i've had to private some posts because i plan to drop this link in some places and i don't want some people to see some of my old posts lol. anyways that's all i have to say for the moment. i might edit this post later we will see.
see you soon,
catg1rl06.
