is it all for nothing?

hi, long time no post. i'm still trying to figure out if i want to be active on here or not. life is very busy at the moment so i never have time to just sit and reflect. instead, i just keep it all inside my head and it's driving me insane. anyways, on todays episode of catg1rl06 hates the world, i'm going to be talking about the future. yeah ew, yikes.

i genuinely feel like my life is a race against time, and unfortunately time never stops so i feel like i can never catch up. i have no clue if that makes any sense but it's how i've been feeling. for example, i enjoy what i'm studying (most of the time) but i don't see anything past university. not that i don't want to pursue what i'm studying, i do, but i've never really envisioned what the future would be like past school. 

i don't know if its because younger me never saw myself living past like 18 but something has genuinely messed with my head. i count down every month, week, day, hour, minute and second. i'm always dreading something, everything. i can never be present in the moment. i'm always dreading the future or dwelling on the past. i'm always in my head and i can't escape.

it makes it difficult because i can never visualise the future in a positive light. it's always depicted to me in flashes of dread. whether its an assignment due in a week, or what i'm going to do with my life. in short, i feel stuck.

i feel bad for this blog also, because i fear it's just becoming me venting. i've had to private some posts because i plan to drop this link in some places and i don't want some people to see some of my old posts lol. anyways that's all i have to say for the moment. i might edit this post later we will see.

see you soon,

catg1rl06.

An unsent letter.

I need a tutorial on how to stop being so obsessed with you. You’re all I can think about before I go to sleep, you’re all I think about when I’m sleeping.

I look forward to the most stressful days of my week, just so I can see you. I think about you when you’re near and when you’re far away. You have no idea.

I’m obsessed with your hair, the way you dress, your humour and your voice. But there’s no way anything could or would ever happen. It’s just a stupid obsession.

I know in a few weeks this will all likely be over and hopefully my brain will settle. I’m sure I’ll find someone new to obsessed over. But I don’t want to. I wish, by some miracle you felt the same way I did, but it’s impossible.

I don't want this era to end.

Only two weeks left of this semester, then I'll finally be finished with my second year of university. Surprisingly, I really don't want this semester to end. I really like my tutors and my classes this semester. However, I feel like I mainly don't want it to end because it will indicate that I'm about the enter my final year of university.

I wish I could be a student forever, even though I know that's not possible. Casual working in retail (where I get barely one shift a week) isn't going to cut it forever. I just feel somewhat content with the age I am now. I wish I could slow down time. I like being nineteen, and I am petrified of entering my twenties. I also like the amount of responsibility I have now. I have my license and free will to go anywhere, but I'm still able to live at home and not work a full-time job. It's fun and I feel happy (I guess). 

Anyway, sorry, this is kind of random, but it's something that has been plaguing my mind at the moment. Hopefully, I can make the most of these next two weeks and try not to be so stressed out all the time. Thanks for reading!

See you soon,

catg1rl06.  

Random pondering at 1am…

I genuinely question my attraction to men everyday because I literally find no enjoyment in texting them, nor interacting with them at all. 

Normal people my age love snapping random guys on Snapchat. They get excited when they send a slither of their face back, as opposed to the usual roof photo. But not me. Whenever I start texting a dude on Snapchat I instantly regret it. Then the whole time I’m dreading them texting me because then I have to respond back.

Most of the time it’s not the man’s fault (surprisingly), although sometimes it definitely is (why can’t they hold a conversation?). But recently, I’ve just found the whole ordeal exhausting. 

To be honest, I haven’t used Snapchat in like 6 months, so I have no clue why I started again. It’s just that I met this dude on a sort-of dating app, he had the same music taste as me, alright looking and seemed nice. We’ve been talking on Snap for like a day and I’m already over it. I really don’t like Snapchat. 

He’s nice and seems like an alright dude, it’s just I don’t find enjoyment in texting men. It lowkey causes me unnecessary stress. I keep telling myself it’s just because it’s on Snapchat and I have a general aversion to that app, but then I ask myself, would it be any different in real life? And honestly, I can’t answer that. Limited experience. 

However, if it was a woman texting me on Snapchat, I’d enjoy it much more, and maybe wouldn’t dread having to respond. I don’t know, maybe I’m being stupid. I constantly fear I won’t ever be able to get into a relationship, and this isn’t helping my cause.

Oh well, that’s all I have to say right now. He’s texting me again and it’s 1:40am right now. Hence, I’m going to pretend I’m sleeping and let future me deal with responding. Goodnight!

See you soon,

catg1rl06 <3

I want to make a YouTube channel! ‧₊˚✩

I want to make a YouTube channel so badly! The problem is I am 1. too insecure to show my face, and 2. have way too many hobbies and different ideas. At first, I wanted to make a webcam channel, then a nostalgia video essay channel, and now I want to make a vlogging/digital camera account. Like ugh!!

I feel like the first issue is the one I need to overcome the most... being less insecure. Not too certain that will happen lol. It's been so many years, and I feel like I've only become more insecure about my appearance every day. Do I do anything about it? No. Well, not really. All I do is apply more makeup and make my skin break out even more. I feel like the way I look will also be a dealbreaker for YouTube viewers... everyone on there is so pretty and I feel like a slug. I also look like twelve, which is sort of a problem.

Anyways, enough dwelling on how much I hate myself. If I were to make a channel, I feel like I'd just combine all my content into one channel. I already have too many TikTok accounts, and I won't really get anywhere making that many channels. I kind of want to incorporate my digital camera into the videos as well. Nostalgia is a massive trend at the moment, and I, obviously, as you can see by this blog, am a sucker for it too. My digicam has awful sound quality, though, so we'd have to work around that.

There's really no point in thinking about it at the moment because I am already in uni assignment hell and it's only Week 3 lol. My potential channel will have to wait until this semester ends so I can actually put my full energy into it. Let me know what you think!!

See you soon,

catg1rl06.

I'm going to see Pierce the Veil! ‧₊˚✩

I GOT PIERCE THE VEIL TICKETS!! I won the ticket war!! 

Hi blog! Sorry, I haven't updated in a while... I lowkey forgot about blogger again #whoopsies... but now we are back, and I'm happy to announce that I got Pierce the Veil tickets!! I can't believe they are finally coming back to Australia, and this time I can actually go. 

I literally had to skip my uni tutorial to buy these tickets cause I was so anxious, but I got two! My brother is planning to go with me because it's not 18+ (lil bro is still a minor lol)!! I've loved Pierce the Veil for almost six years, and now I will be able to see them... in real life?? I'm literally going to be in the same room as them, breathing the same air??

My honest reaction.

I'm also so excited because it is the ICHY tour, meaning they're going to play songs from their older albums. It's basically an emo eras tour! I already have some ideas of what I'm going to wear... even though the concert is in April next year. 

Anyways, at least I have some good news to report! I've been in a constant state of panic and anxiety these past few weeks, so these concerts make me feel somewhat better. I'm going to try to be more active here, maybe it'll help clear my thoughts if I write them down into the void. 

See you soon,

catg1rl06.

I might have a job? ‧₊˚✩

Hello blog!! Today I had yet another job interview, however, this one was for Spotlight! The manager of the store rang me yesterday (while I was still sleeping at 2pm lol) to ask me to come in, and I was shocked because I had low-key gotten used to just being ghosted by these franchises. 

Anyways, I had the interview at 12pm and guess what... I hit the holy grail because IT WASN'T A GROUP INTERVIEW!! I actually jumped in joy in my head because I was really expecting another stupid ass group interview. It was just me and the manager who rang me up yesterday. 

Tell me why she asks me literally one question and then starts giving me a full-blown history and rundown of the store. I'm like... okay...? Then she's telling me I'll receive an email about accepting the job interview and a form for my bank details? Basically, the whole interview sounded like I was already accepted for the job. So I think I'm employed at Spotlight now LOL?? I don't want to get my hopes up because knowing me, I'll jinx myself... but I'm confused.

I'm very nervous to be honest, as I am with everything, but this job involves a lot more work than my previous job, when I got paid to literally stand around for 6 hours. I have to cut fabric and actually serve people LOL. But my main concern is the location, because it isn't my local Spotlight, and it's an 18-25 minute drive to get there. 

I don't know if I want to drive there or use public transport because the parking is CRAZY, and I don't want to run the risk of getting a damaged car because of someone else's incompetence in the car park. But I guess we'll have to see. I also have no clue how I'm going to balance this with uni, so that's great!!!!!

After my job "interview" that literally finished in under 10 minutes, my mum, brother and I went shopping and I bought some more work-appropriate attire since, even if I don't get this job, I need some more formal clothes. 

So that's a life update, hope you enjoyed! 

See you soon,

catg1rl06.

Cafe-hunting and buying the new Monster flavour! ‧₊˚✩

Hello, my little corner of the web!! Today was a very fun day, we basically stopped in like 5+ suburbs lol. We began by delivering two orders from my mum's business, both in different suburbs, quite far from each other, so it was a fun little road trip. I love it when I don't have to drive because I can freely zone out to my favourite songs! Once we were done, we decided to go cafe-hunting in the suburb of the second delivery. 

My matcha!

We found this super cute bee-themed cafe on Google Maps, which we decided to go to. I ordered a hot matcha and my mum ordered a hot latte, and we also got a scone to share. It was very yummy! I fear I have been influenced by the matcha craze on TikTok because, although it tastes like grass, I kinda love it.

We then did some shopping at Kmart, and I bought a new hand sanitiser. Nothing too special, until we took another quick trip to IGA to pick up some strawberries, and I finally found the new Monster Energy!! The Aussie Lemonade Flavour!! I am very excited to try it, I also have no clue if it is actually new, but I've never seen it before sooo... Anyways, that's basically what we did today.

Side note, bit random but I'm a little pissed off because I'm going to a concert in less than two weeks and the person I planned to go with has pulled out. So now I have an extra $60+ ticket and no one to go with. No hate to her, but my mind is telling me she lied because she didn't want to go. I get that she doesn't have my emo music taste, but no one does, and I don't like going to these things alone... So lowkey I'm being petty and leaving her on read, which I never do. Sorry queen... 

But whatever, what can you do? Also, I will update on the Monster flavour taste test if I remember! :P

See you soon,

catg1rl06.

I absolutely HATE group job interviews! ‧₊˚✩

I don't know whose grand idea group job interviews were, but we have beef. Why have the past two job interviews I have had both been group interviews? What sick joke is this?

I don't like seeing my competition because they're always really nice, which makes me feel bad for any resentment that I might hold against them if I don't get the job. But honestly, that's not my main issue. It's the fact that in both of these interviews, I wasn't actually able to show why I wanted the job or any of my relevant, redeeming qualities. 

We just had to do stupid activities like acting out what we'd do if we were stranded on an abandoned island. Like... this is a CINEMA JOB? What is the correlation? 

I was ghosted in the first interview, and now in this second one, I have no clue what my fate will be. The whole time, we were all dominated by an extrovert who liked talking and stole everyone's key points. How are they supposed to make a judgment based on that??

Bring back one-on-one interviews!! Please!!! I fear I'm destined to eternal unemployment. Anyways, sorry blog for the rant, the quest for a new job is not going very well.

See you soon,

catg1rl06. 

Jinafire Long G3 doll!! ‧₊˚✩

Today my family and I decided to go to Big W to check out the toy sale!! I already had my purchase in mind as we went to Big W a few days prior, and I fell in love with the Jinafire long G3 doll (again). In my opinion, it's one of the best G3 Monster High dolls! 

I love her hair and her outfit, it's genuinely so cool, and her accessories match her as a fashion designer so well! Not sure about the random coat hanger though lol... 

Anyways, being the mature nineteen-year-old I am, I did in fact purchase the doll, and I'm so excited to unbox it! It's my third G3 doll in my collection. I will probably make an entry when I unbox her and add her to my G3 collection.

See you soon,

catg1rl06.